The Story Of Salad Fingers
by PunkRockFreak09
Summary: This fic sheds a little light on Salad Fingers. Co-Authors Spottedflames and PunkRockFreak09 put a little twist of the tale of that loveable green guy.
1. Prologue

Hey guys this is a two author story. I will be writing this and my friend Spottedflames. We are writing this out of our love of Salad Fingers and just want to put our two cents in. I hope you enjoy. Btw, I am and first time writer! So be nice to me!

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Prologue by PunkRockFreak09

Fred Adam was a normal playful kid. He was a short kid who had jet black hair. He loved sports and he just loved running around in general. He was five years old when the US government game and tested the atom bomb. It went off in his backyard.

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Fred kicked the ball and it went up and up and away then finally it landing in the spot were the bomb testing was. Little Fred ran over to pick up his favorite ball. Fred didn't what lie ahead of him... he just wanted his ball. He kept running _further, further. _He kicked up quite a bit of sand. The bomb clock was ticking in twenty seconds the atom bomb would go off. Each stride closer took the time further down. He was five feet away and he saw what was in front of him...

"Aww shi.."

**BOOM!

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**

This day changed Fred forever. He didn't have pale white skin anymore, he was green. He didn't think normally anymore, he thought like a killer. He didn't understand things. The bomb changed his physical apperance and his mental health. He wasn't the same. He never would be. Now that you know why he is the way he is, we will tell you the story of his adventures and.. his killings. You will be in stiches(from laughing of course nothing else.. haha *cough*) you might be disgusted, or you just might be freaked out. Whatever it is you will know more about Salad Fingers.

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Hope you like it! The chapters I write will be longer this little inductory chapters. Me and my friend Spottedflames don't see ANY Salad Fingers fics so I though we would write one for ya Salad Fingers fans. This fic will have humor and seriousness. Review and Read!

Thanks,

PunkRockFreak09


	2. Chapter 2

Okay so this chapter is inspired by the idea of Salad Fingers meeting celebrities that me and Spottedflames thought of! Hope you enjoy.(That is if you even read this!)

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Chapter 1 by PunkRockFreak09

Salad Fingers has just woken up, when he heard Logan Price hollering his name.

"What is it Logan? Shall we have a lovely picnic outside today?" He waked for Logan to respond. (Of course, his doll, Logan Price was just a non-living object and could not respond. Like I said the atom bomb affected Salad Finger's mental health.)

"Oh that is a splendid idea, Logan! Let me get my party dress on and we shall be on our way."

After putting on an old dress that managed to survive the atom bomb and some party make-up, Salad Fingers was on his way to the party. He had heard from the last person he killed that their was going to be some big celebrity bash, he wanted to check it out for himself.

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After arriving at the party he began searching for rusty spoons. He found none and he searched and searched. He finally bumped into a man/woman that could only be Micheal Jackson herself... eh... himself. *cough*

"Excuse me miss, would you happen to know where some rusty spoons are?"

"Why aren't you looking green today? Well... I did look that way after my first skin bleaching surgery, but that's another story for another time... Did you just call me a woman? I am a man!"

"Are you that odd pedophile, I heard about from Logan?"

"I would never hurt a child!"

"L...Logan told me otherwise! You sir, are a blight upon society! If I must do what I must than I shall!" Suddenly Salad Fingers bit off Micheal's surgery constructed nose and ran away.

After running for so long, he began his search for rusty spoons again. Then he saw a man in glasses shouting for his wife.

"Sharon! SHARON!!!!!" This was a man known as Ozzy Ozbourne(or however the hell you spell his name.)

"Your glasses look marvelous.... may I.... may I touch them."

"Sharon? Is something wrong with you dear?" Salad Fingers swiped the glasses off of the other man's forehead and felt them. These glasses were rusty and he ran his green fingers over them and he immediately knew what they were.

"Ooooh.... ohhhh. These feel marvelous... where... where can I get such a pleasure to the tips?"

"Sharon, darling, what have I told you about making such noises out of our house." Suddenly Salad Fingers was shocked to fell some slimy lips on his.

"Sharon what is the matter with your teeth... They are so crooked and something must be done about your breath, darli.." Ozzy could not finished as Salad Fingers knocked him out and drug him back to his lair.

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Salad Fingers was truly satisfied with himself. Not only had he got himself a splendid dinner from the party (yes in case you are wondering he killed Ozzy and ate him for dinner, morbid I know!) he got these wonderful rusted glasses are a souvenir! Now you might think people would have screamed when the saw Salad Fingers, but many were too drunk and stoned to care. They just though he was another illusion from all the chemicals running in their blood.

His was preparing to go to bed when his radio, known as Roger, was speaking to loudly.

"Roger be quiet, I am going to begin my slumber!" The radio just made strange noises. With his green hands he grabbed the rusty hammer and swung violently at Roger.

"Don't make me mad any further, Roger! You will not call me such names in my household, you wretched bastard! Now go to bed!" He yelled with much anger.

The sight of Logan calmed him down.

"Logan I want to thank you for taking me to the party, it makes a girl like me get flustered! I found a wonderful rusty item today." Salad flirted to his doll, Logan. He gave Logan ten seconds to "respond".

"You are such a sweet man, Logan. Goodnight my dear." He used his green fingers to turn off the lights and put the covers over his body. He snuggled Logan close to him and gave a sigh of content. This was such a great day for him.

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Salad Fingers might not make sense you, but in a way he is a tragic tale. He speaks to no one but objects that cannot respond to him. He spends many adventures with only Logan and his rusty spoons and such. You might understand him soon. He had many dreams of Logan and him riding the magical rusty taps.

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So I hoped you enjoyed this chapter! They will get longer was we go, I promise! Yes Michael and Salad will met again... trust me. Anyways read and review!

Thanks,

PunkRockFreak09


	3. Chapter 3

**Note from PunkRockFreak09:Okay folks some warnings for ya on this chapter. If you like to follow the Salad Finger's fan-fics in a very canon way then DO NOT READ. I kinda bring the drama(sometimes humor) and my friend Spottedflames brings all HUMOR. This chapter was written purely for humor purposes. It contains sexual content, crude humor, language and rape. This also would NEVER happen in the Salad Fingers universe. Okay now that I have warned you, enjoy!**

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Chapter Written by: Spottedflames

OKay, I'm LOOONNNGGG over due on this, My Chapter of the story we're workin' on!

EXTREME WARNING CONTAINS SOME VERRRY SEXUAL LANGUAGE...

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Salad fingers rested his head on his pillow. "Roger?" he asked sleepily, " did you remember to buy spray paint?"

Roger said nothing.

"ANSWER ME YOU SON OF A BITCH!" he shouted.

still, Roger said nothing.

Salad fingers lost his temper and threw a hammer that he kept at his bedside at Roger and Roger fell over fell over. "OH MY! ROGER!!!" he cried, running over and cradling Roger in his arms.

**KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK**

"Oh who could that be?" Saladfingers said.

OUTSIDE....

"Okay, Remember MJ, one, don't touch me, I don't want AIDS." Sharon Osbourne said. "Two, Rape him AFTER i knock him out, And three, remeber not to leave fingerpr- OH MY GOD! PUT THAT THING BACK IN YOUR PANTS!!"

"Aww..."MJ said, zipping his zipper up. Sharon kicked him (her what ever the hell MJ was) in the shin.

"Owww, that hurt!"

"UHG! just shut up and rape him."

"I thought I was suposed to do that after,"

"JUST DO IT!"

"OKAY!" MJ said, unzipping his skinny jeans.

"No Wonder everyone thinks you're a pedophile."

INSIDE...

"Hello?" Salad fingers said, cracking the door open, only to have a half naked MJ jump on him and start finger banging him.

"i'M GONNA BE SICK!!" Sharon said, and proceaded to vomit on MJ, who'd been busy butt humping salad fingers.

"RAPE! RAPE!" Salad fingers shouted, and then bit MJ's nutts off.

"AAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! MY PRECIOUS ARTIFICAL JEWELS!!!!"

"Those weren't real?!?!" Sharon said, sand vomitted on MJ again.

suddenly, MJ and Sharon ran off.

"I feel sick..." saladfingers said.

FOUR MONTHS LATER...

turns out... salad Fingers was a Hermaphrodite (is a male AND a Female.) and MJ got him pregnant.

"Roger.!!!! WERE THE HELL ARE MY SARDINES!" shouted Salad, His huge belly blocked his arms reach.

"OW! STOP KICKING ME YOU LITTLE BASTARD!" Salad fingers shouted at his belly.

FIVE MONTHS LATER...

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!" Salad fingers shouted.

"WAA!" cried the baby that had slid out of salad finger's ass.

"EW! IT"S SO UGLY!" salad fingers shouted, tossing it in the oven.

30 Minutes later...

**BING!**

"oohh! DINNER!"


	4. Chapter 4

Finally an update! Whoever happens to read this we would like more reviews, they let us know that we should keep on going. Anyways this chapter is a little more dramatic than the last enjoy!

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Chapter 3 by: PunkRockFreak09

Today the sun was gone, the feeling of the cold,brutal winter filled Salad Finger's senses. He decided that today he was going to play in the snow. So he grabbed his boots, coat, and gloves and headed outside. It was a beauitful sight to him, the snow coming down and the way the sky looked. He had Logan with him and together they played outside for hours. Suddenly after making snow angels saw a trail of blood that intriuged him...he followed it. The trail lead him to the body of none other than Lady GaGa. He had heard of her over the Roger, his radio, he was fascinated with her. Salad walked up to her pool of blood and stuck his finger in it, liking the way it taste in his mouth. He then bent down to the body listening for a heart beat.

**Pound Pound**

It was faint... it was weak but he could hear it. He felt a sudden sense of urgency to save this woman. He pushed all of his curosity and question for later, this woman had to be saved.

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Fingers had brought her back to his house and revived her. He felt a swell of pride that **he **saved **her** life. When she regained consciousness she looked around.

"Where am I?"

He brought his finger to her lips. "Shhhh angel...god will hear you and know that I have you. He'll want you back."

She suddenly realized that his man or whatever he is, is insane. She felt a sudden pang of panic. She needed to get out of her...**now. **"Oh well look at the time! I've got to leave been lovely speaking to you!"

Salad Fingers got a sad,sullen look on his face. "But...but angel..I..I.."

GaGa couldn't take it anymore, this creature was lonely and had no one. He must have been that way because of his...condition. She would stay with him for a little bit. She thinks that she may have found the World's First Alien. "Okay, okay. I'll stay with you for a just a little bit."

S.F. jumped up with joy. "Thank you angel! I've been watching you and listening to for quite some time. I am interested in you."

Hmmm...an alien fan. A first for GaGa. She would have to get to understand this creature.

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So that's it for this chapter. Lame I know. Anyways more will be on the way shortly. I just had to write this short thing to get myself started. So yeah. I'll update sooner than four months. xD


	5. Chapter 5

So the whole bloody scene with GaGa was a little fuzzy on the details...so I wrote this chapter to describe what happened. By the way this chapter this Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, and Lady GaGa bashing. This chapter includes profanity, sexual suggestions, and lesbianism! XD Enjoy!(OH AND PLEASE REVIEW)

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Chapter Five by PunkRockFreak09

Miley Cyrus had been sent by her record label to record a new song with Lady Gaga somewhere out in the middle of nowhere. Cyrus really didn't think GaGa was all that..had GaGa gained the eyes of over like 1 million teen girls? No! Had GaGa poll dance at the Kid's Choice Awards? Hell no! This was all something Miley did by herself. She was interested to see this,"creative" and "wonderful" singer for herself.

"Well this is fucking great, y'all!" she says as she steps out of her Limo in her $1,000 shoes. She can't believe this..IT'S FUCKING SNOWING. Can her day get any worse? Then suddenly she sees GaGa stepping out of respective Limo. _"Ah great! There is Queen Bee herself."_ she thought.

"It is so very lovely to met you, Miley! I've been watching your career for some time now." GaGa says as she extends her hand.

"Thanks...I've heard alot about you too. Your rather famous back in Nashville." Miley says in her thick Southern drawl and weakly shakes GaGa's hand._ "Ugh. I think I'm gonna have to kill this bitch. Nobody overtakes Miley in fame, NOBODY. It's time for GaGa..to die."_ Miley watches the Limos go away. Miley sees GaGa's back is to her. The Hannah Montana star takes this oppertunity to pull out her pocket knife her girlfriend Demi Lovato gave her.

"Well looks like we are all to ourselves, . Let's get..WHHHA" **WHAM** Miley's knife is now stuck in GaGa's stomach.

"Yeah listen, Honey, you look hot and all..but you are just not my type. I am tired of your weird outfits you wear...and P.S. I HATE YOU BITCH!" Miley yells this bitterly as she watches the crimson blood drain from GaGa's torso. Satisfied with the large pool of blood flowing from the other woman's body, Cyrus calls up her lesbo girlfriend.

"Yeah I killed her, babe. Come pick me...ooooooo bring Selena over...we can have **fun **with **her**. Yes yes I know what happened last time, yo' momma saw all of us butt naked...this time she'll be at work right? Okay good. See ya and Sel-Sel in the car then!"

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Yeah sorry if you like Disney...it hate Disney. DX Anyways I felt like writing weird, funny shit tonight so enjoy! Looking forward to updating soon.


	6. Chapter 6

Wow! Look it's an update...so I have finally decided to update after such a long time. I apologize for the wait..I've just been going through alot of personal issues. Anywho this chapter is kinda gonna be a little cute chapter. Here's a warning for a future..I decided there will be two definite romances..one of them in there for kicks and one for comedy..you decide which is which. One of them is a LESBIAN relationship, so please if you do not like that DO NOT READ...one is a surprise. This chapter is gonna be pretty PG rated...this chapter is non-canon so yeah enjoy and review!

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Chapter 6 by PunkRockFreak09

GaGa had spent the last week with Salad Fingers. She had grown to like this little green creature of oddity. They spend many-a-evening together by the fire in his little house, just talking and laughing about past occurances. Most of their talks had been light hearted...but one particular night it got amazingly serious.

"Listen, babe, I'm gonna ask you a question and please don't get offended. Okay?" GaGa cautiously stated this.

"What is it, Angel? I'll answer anything you ask. You are just so heavenly." This comment by Salad Fingers inwardly made GaGa blush. In the next coming seconds she grasped herself properly in order not to hurt the creature of green.

"Honey, how'd you get so green?" She inquired. S.F. look around, his smile fell. He was exuding confusion...suddenly an expression of pain flashed across his normally happily green face. This is where he began to break down.. **He Remembered. That day...how awful it was. **Suddenly, like a tornado, he felt tears streaming down his face, his heart felt heavy, a pit in his stomach was sturring. He looked up from the floor, straight into her eyes, and choked for words.

"I...I.. It was several years ago... My real name is Adam...I was playing..playing with a ball...I kicked it too far..it all happened so fast, I barely touched my ball...and then suddenly the pain of a thousand daggers hit me. The light..it was so bright. Days later I woke up...I can't believe...I look like a freak now don't I? **NO ONE **can **EVER **love a **FREAK **like me! I disgust you don't I? When anyone looks at me all they will ever see..is..is..._a freak._" And with this he crumpled on the ground, filled with pain and everlasting sorrow. _This_ is what he is...a _freak_. His family is _gone, _his old life is _gone, everything is gone._

GaGa looked shocked and extremely sympatheic towards this _poor_ man. She couldn't take it anymore, the sight before her broke and shattered her heart into a million pieces. She scooped the sobbing figure into her arms and rocked him back and forth. Her shirt began to stain with his tears. She then felt her cheeks, she too had began crying. She couldn't even fathom why anyone as beautiful as him deserved this. She wanted to help him. GaGa stroked Adam's face and gazed at his eyes.

"Listen, you are _BEAUTIFUL_, inside and out! You didn't deserve what happened to you! You won't be alone! I am here for you! Okay? All these years of never been satisfied with my boyfriends, and they were goddamn models, I can say you are the first person I have ever connected with on this level. You _saved_ my life and I'm here to save _yours._ And babe, I'm not a religious person, but you called me an angel and I'll be your guardian angel. Okay? You are _not_ a _freak_, you are amazing, fucking amazing." and with this she kissed his cheek.

Throughout her speech he had ceased his crying. He felt a little better, still filled with so much sorrow and pain...but a glimpse of hope and feeling of self-worth was in the shadows. Adam fell asleep on her lap..happy with the feeling of her lips on his skin. GaGa looked down at this broken man and carried him into his bed and tucked him in. She had to do something...she knew someone that could help. Taking one last glance at the sleeping figure before her, she slipped on her necklace he had given to her, grabbed her coat, her keys to her jet black limo with a couple bloodstains, and walked through the door.

"I'm gonna make him _happy again. I will._" she quietly thought to herself and placed her keys in the ignition. She put her foot to the pedal and drove off in the sunset that was reflecting its orange hue on the white porcelain snow.

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Okay so that was chapter six hope you liked it! I am gonna update soon! Sorry to leave you with a cliff hanger but uhh yeah please review! Hopefully I can update soon again.


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